God's Plan for Human Relationships

Fellowship, Communion, and Intimacy

And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. (Genesis 2:18)

From the beginning God said that it was not good that the man should be alone. God never intended for the human race to consist of only one man and one woman, but from the beginning He intended for them to multiply and fill the earth. Since there were to be many people God made man with a need for companionship. By God's design we are social creatures and we need other people. This is basic to God's plan for the human race and to our God-given nature. Time alone is important and profitable to our soul and spirit, but not as a way of life.

The need for companionship is much more defined than just general socializing and mingling with other people. There are at least three basic levels in human relationships. There is fellowship, communion, and intimacy. They are like stairs, with fellowship being the first and lowest step, communion the second step, and intimacy at the top of the stairs.

All human relationships begin with fellowship, and usually never go beyond this level. These are casual acquaintances, people at work, neighbors, most relatives, and sadly, most of the people we go to church with. Some relationships progress from casual fellowship to the next level, which is communion. These are the few people in our life with whom we become good friends. We include them in the important and cherished events of our life. They are the ones we seek out and whose company we prefer. These are the people whose prayers we especially value. We feel comfortable sharing our heart and our problems with them. All of the relationships we have on the levels of fellowship and communion are non-committal. They are not bound by vows or promises, but rather are more dependent upon convenience. Those we fellowship with and become good friends with are always changing throughout our lives. Almost always they fade away with time and circumstances which separate us. Sometimes we encounter problems or conflicts, which break the bonds of fellowship, even with very good and close friends.

Then there is the intimate relationship where two souls are knit together in complete trust and commitment and there are no secrets. It is possible to have a somewhat intimate friend of the same gender, but the very best friend we could possibly have does not come close to what God has in mind for man and wife. The marriage relationship between a man and a woman is the ultimate intimate relationship, and it is forever. It is the crown of human relationships. It is the one relationship where true intimacy can find its completion and fulfillment in the physical, spiritual, and emotional realms, and the element of unconditional commitment is what makes all that possible. While it is obvious that most marriages do not measure up to these criteria we must recognize the fact that it is because of sin and selfishness, and not because of a flaw in God's design and plan.

Man needs more than casual fellowship with others. He even needs more than a pal or a very close friend. He needs someone with whom he can share his very soul. He needs someone with whom he can become one on the level of the soul. When God created the man He left some places empty in him so there would be room for another. The soul of man was created by his Maker with needs, and God created a woman to fulfill those needs. Not only that, but when God created the woman, He created her soul with needs that could only be fulfilled by her husband. The relationship between husband and wife goes far beyond the shallow waters of fellowship and companionship. It goes beyond physical intimacy, also. It is a union of their souls and spirits, their minds and their wills, their affections and desires. We may have fellowship and companionship with many people, but we cannot experience what God has in mind for husband and wife except in a garden enclosed by the fence of commitment where only the two are allowed admittance. By God's design it is meant to last a lifetime, with death as the only means of separation.

 

And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. (Matthew 19:5-6)

 

This special, intimate, ultimate human relationship is not something that happens instantly or even quickly, but it develops in a certain order, and over a period of time and experience. It is Genesis 4:1, after sin has entered into the world and they have been driven from the garden, before the Bible tells us that Adam "knew" his wife. The word "knew" has much more meaning here than most people think. To consider it to merely mean carnal knowledge is to make a terrible error and miss some of the most important knowledge and understanding. Although the marriage bed is part of God's design of male and female, God did not create a woman solely for the carnal pleasure of a man. God's purposes encompass far more than that. This is the definition of the word "know" as used in the Scripture. Look at all the words and ideas expressed by this word God chose to use.

To know: (properly, to ascertain by seeing); (including observation, care, recognition; and instruction) be aware, comprehend, consider, be diligent, discern, discover, familiar friend, feel, instruct, have knowledge, make self known, + be learned, + lie by man, mark, perceive, privy to, prognosticator, regard, have respect, be sure, teach, understand.

Many people live with their spouse for a lifetime and find out that they never really knew them. They might have known each other intimately in a physical sense for years, but kept a curtain drawn around their heart. To find out that your spouse is not the person you have thought them to be at all is very sad and most devastating. To truly know one another takes a lot of time and earnest effort and cannot happen quickly. It takes more than physical intimacy. It takes a truly honest heart and an openness and willingness to bare your most intimate soul to your spouse. There is a progression in the development of this relationship, and we are going to look at the three distinct aspects of it. These truths should be our guides and way marks for courtship and marriage.

Be sure to check back next week for the next part.

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Straight Paths Bible Church

Male and Female Created He Them - Part 2

Male and Female - Reference Points for Life

 

This is such an important matter because the God-designed distinctions between male and female are reference points for us in understanding life, direction, purpose and God himself. Male and female are opposites, just as is everything else in God's creation. As we brought out in a previous message from Genesis 1 the basis of our power of reasoning is simply the discerning and choosing between two things at a time that are opposed to one another. There is hot and cold, up and down, right and left, north and south, east and west, positive and negative, light and dark, day and night, good and evil, right and wrong, clean and dirty, and there is no end to it - everything in God's creation is set over against its opposite - or its image. An image is the opposite of its source. Two right hands do not match when placed together face to face - it must be a left and right. God made man male and female and this is God's divine order and design - this is the foundation and a firm constant for living life here on earth and understanding God.

This principle of opposites is what creates order and literally holds God's Creation together. If the atom was not made of opposing parts it would fly apart, but the protons and electrons having opposite charges attract one another and hold the basic component of all matter together. To blow them apart creates an nuclear explosion. This principle of opposites is what makes it possible for us to navigate through life. Consequently, it is the basis from which all the forces of evil begin in their attempts to destroy the works of God. Their goal is to create confusion by blurring the distinctions between the clear markers God has established for us. Confusion is the opposite of order and God is not the author of confusion. (1 Cor 14:33) For sure, God is not the author of confusion in the hearts and lives of those who obey him. So the most basic goal of Satan is to cause confusion, which by definition is:

In a general sense, a mixture of several things promiscuously; hence, disorder; irregularity.

A blending or confounding; indistinct combination; opposed to distinctness or perspicuity.

Want of order in a society.

So it is very clear that Satan works to cause confusion, or the blurring of the distinctions that God established when He set everything in perfect order in his work of Creation. One of the most obvious results of sin is that it always causes confusion, and confusion always leads to more sin, especially for the next generation.

But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. Mark 10:6

Confusion is the breaking down of absolutes and order. Satan always begins his attack right here with male and female - this is the distinction that he works on the hardest to break down and confuse. The decline and decay of every civilized society begins right here with this matter. Because of the sinfulness of mankind it is the most vulnerable point where he can begin his destructive work. Rebellious, self-seeking, and lustful hearts are actually looking for any way to cast off God's boundaries between male and female.

When the God ordained distinctions are blurred or erased between male and female then the God ordained relationship between the two has no guides or boundaries and no place to take our bearings from. God made great distinctions between male and female and they are much more than physical. These distinctions are divine attributes assigned to male and female by nature itself. They are not choices to be made by the individual. They are not subject to "rights" of an individual. We have a world now that is attempting to make it a matter of choice whether a person is a male or a female. That fact alone should startle any sane person into waking up to the depravity of our society.

A feminine man and a masculine female are unnatural and ungodly.

Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, (1 Corinthians 6:9)

"Effeminate" refers to a feminine man and this verse from the Scripture clearly states that they do not know God and will not go to heaven. Abusers of themselves with mankind refers to sodomites (Webster's 1828 Dictionary) and also makes it very clear that they are not going to enter into heaven. A godly person will desire to be what God has made them to be and will not be kicking and fighting against God's order and design for their life.

The breakdown always begins when the God-ordained roles of men and women begin to be portrayed as unsatisfying or unfulfilling. This happens as a result of losing sight of the purpose of life and God's role in it all. Soon after becoming dissatisfied and rebellious against their God-given gender assignment we see the physical appearance begin to change, with cross-dressing, swapping hairstyles, etc. It begins with the female becoming more masculine in her appearance, her actions, her language, her manners, her hair, her clothing, and it is accompanied immediately by her ambitions and desires to live in the role of a man instead of a woman. She believes she is liberated from her God-given role by her rebellion against God's authority and from there she rejects and rebels against all authority over her life. Immorality follows immediately because there are no rules, no boundaries, no guide, and no authority, and no order anymore. She thinks she is "liberated" and free from the bondage of being a woman, but she has reduced herself to nothing more than a toy for ungodly men. Ungodly men do not do much to resist this tendency of the female because it makes her much easier prey for him. She refuses to submit to a man, so he doesn't have to worry about submitting himself to her - he can have what he wants from her with no commitment and no strings. Love as the basis for the relationship is now out of the picture and the relationship is reduced to that of barnyard animals.

But man was not designed to live this way and confusion follows in every aspect of life. The children are desolate and have no purpose for living, and cannot find their way. Man needs a wife, and a wife needs a husband, and they cannot be happy and fulfilled under any other arrangement.

Knowing this we should resist anything that even resembles a breaking down of the distinction between God's divine design of male and female. We should be diligent to make clear the differences. We should honor the proper roles and teach our children and others by example. We need godly men and we need godly women. That is what it takes to have godly homes and churches and nations. That is what it takes to live a happy fulfilled life that has meaning and purpose. This is God's plan and God's design and those who resist and reject it do so at their own peril, but they also bring down the society in which the rest of us live. So the people of God need to set the proper example by ordering their lives, their marriages, their families, and their churches according to God's divine order established so clearly from the beginning of Creation.

For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband. (Ephesians 5:31-33)

Next: It is not good for the man to be alone.

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Lord Teach Us to Pray

And it came to pass, that, as he was praying in a certain place, when he ceased, one of his disciples said unto him, Lord, teach us to pray, as John also taught his disciples. Luke 11:1

There is probably more written material on the subject of prayer than any other aspect of being a Christian. Everyone seems to want to know how to get prayers answered, or some other angle on how to pray. Of course, the real goal of the natural man is to find a way to bring God on board with their plan or their goals and desires, and so they use prayer as that means. The result is that most of what is written and taught about prayer is oriented toward that end. There was a book that was published in the year 2000 and sold nine million copes called, “The Prayer of Jabez.” It was based on one verse of scripture in 1 Chronicles:

And Jabez called on the God of Israel, saying, Oh that thou wouldest bless me indeed, and enlarge my coast, and that thine hand might be with me, and that thou wouldest keep me from evil, that it may not grieve me! And God granted him that which he requested. 1 Chr. 4:10

In this one verse “me” and “my” are mentioned five times. This was a completely selfish prayer without a mention of anything at all but his own comfort, peace, and happiness. God gave him what he asked for, all right, but that is the last mention of this man in the Bible. Those are the kinds of books that sell because that is what carnal people are looking for – a way to command God to satisfy their selfish desires. God also answered a selfish prayer for the Israelites when they lusted in the wilderness and gave them their request, but sent leanness into their soul. (Psalm 106:15) This kind of prayer is simply another form of selfishness all dressed up in religious apparel. This is not really what prayer is about and certainly not what God meant for prayer to be. So it is no wonder that so many get discouraged with Christianity and quit when they find they are unable to gain control of God and get Him to do what they want. God does not heal every person who gets sick, even though many people pray that He will. God does not deliver every person from the brink of death, no matter how many godly people are praying for them. What do we do with our selfish ideas about prayer when this happens? How do we reconcile what we have said we believe about claiming God’s promises and God answering prayer with the reality that He did not do what we asked Him to? We must learn to pray in the Will of God, so Lord teach us to pray, and to pray like we should.

Prayer is based upon the Word of God. We cannot pray earnestly and effectively if we are not familiar with the Word of God. When we have little or no knowledge of God through his Word about all we can do is cry out to God in the darkness for help and hope for mercy. The Word of God reveals to us the heart and mind of God. It is through the written Word of God that we are introduced to what God’s character is like. It is the Word of God that teaches us what his disposition toward us is like, as well as his attitude toward sin and evil. We know what He has said and what He has promised and that tells us volumes about who He is and what He is like. This is absolutely necessary in order for us to be able to have communion with him in prayer.

Many teachers on the subject of prayer take these very truths and apply them in a dangerous and destructive way to prayer. You will seldom find a book or article on prayer that does not interject the idea of “claiming God’s promises.” Now we have just acknowledged that the promises of God are the foundation we work from in order to pray, but not it the way it is commonly presented. We cannot take a promise of God and hold it before Him as if we are putting him in a corner with it and forcing his hand on it. That is offensive to all people who would be treated that way. First, it seems to insinuate that He who made the promise is trying to avoid keeping it. Nothing could be farther from the truth with God. He delights to give his children the blessings He has promised. Second, this approach to prayer is not humble, but proud. It says nothing of being submitted to the Will of God, but it is an attempt by a mere mortal to stand in the face of God and force him to comply with their own will. To stand up to God and rail on Him with, “Now God, you promised, and I am here to claim it and so you must do this thing, and you must do it now” is to have exactly the same mind as Satan. His aim from the beginning of his rebellion has been to bring God and the universe under his control. This is absolutely the opposite of what prayer is designed to do to a person.

Maybe we can understand this a little better by considering how good, godly parents deal with their children. Many parents make promises to their children without leaving the promise as an open-ended obligation that the child can claim at any time according to their own discretion. For example, a parent might tell their child that they will get to go to the park and play sometime this week. The child now has the word of the parent that they will get to go this week, so they begin on Monday trying to claim the promise, but it is raining and the parent will not let them go. The child might claim that the parent has gone back on their word, but they haven’t. They made a promise but they still reserve the right to be the sovereign authority in the child’s life. It is raining and it is just not possible to go to the park today. The next day the child tries again, but the park is closed for repairs on the playground equipment, and so they still cannot go. The parent has not violated their promise but is exercising wisdom for the benefit of the child. All the child has in mind is his own selfish interests and desires, so he becomes frustrated and falsely accuses the parent of not doing what they said they would do. “But you promised!” That is the cry of the child and it is very ugly in the ears of all who hear it and have understanding. Yet this is how most people are being taught to pray and ask God for things. Later in the week the child does get to go to the park just like the parent promised, but it will be when the circumstances and timing is right according to the judgment of the parent –not the child.

Prayer is aided by the Spirit of God. (Romans 8:26-27) We must have the help of the Holy Spirit in order to pray like we should. According to these Scriptures we do not even know what to ask for as we ought. We are so wrapped up in ourselves and our circumstances and cares that without the help of the Spirit of God we cannot even get in the same room with God. We must have our mind and our will yielded to the Spirit of God for him to lead us. The Spirit of God will always use the Word of God to instruct us and to speak to us. So we go to God in prayer, with God’s promises and his loving words before us. We know what kind of God He is and how He loves us, so we come before Him with that knowledge as our guide. We all have had someone in our life whom we have always found to be easily entreated. Maybe it was our Grandma or Grandpa. We could go to them and ask them anything without any fear of being rejected or scolded or ridiculed, and we pretty well knew that they would give us what we asked for as long as it was not out of line or had the potential to hurt us. We never thought of approaching them with demands that they keep a promise they had made to us. That was completely unnecessary, but also an unthinkable way to commune with someone we loved and trusted. God is like this. The Bible tells us in James 3:17 that He is “…peaceable, gentle, and easy to be entreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy.”

Prayer, then, is about submitting to God more than it is about getting what we want from God. Prayer is about communion with God and becoming one with God – one in mind, heart, and will. Prayer, if it is the right kind of prayer, brings us into a confirmed state of agreement and oneness with God, and we are submitted to his Will, whatever it might be. The right kind of prayer leaves us with the right kind of faith. The wrong kind of prayer wrecks our faith.

Mike Miller
Straight Paths Bible Church
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March 8, 2012